Fully discontent again
With selfish drives and goals,
That though I want to really love
Have pushed you all down holes
And into shells like turtles,
Whence lately I emerged.
This freedom frightenend all of you.
Perhaps, for once, I'm purged
Of all desire to use a soul
The way I seem to do.
I tried to be a humble friend,
But plans like that fell through
As I tore the ground apart
And shoved you all inside,
Because I learned that one of us
Is going to have to hide.
Fully discontent again,
Trying to adjust.
I wish I could destroy my sin
Or simply learn to trust.
Power rests in letting go.
My misconceptions lie.
I'm holding to identities
That simply need to die.
The obvious is wrong!
I'm not who I appear.
So I change to be my real self:
Tis the loss of you I fear.
Will you let me be someone?
Will it hurt to change?
I think I know the light will grow
When all is rearranged.
Fully discontent again,
And desperate to be free,
I recognize the way to you,
And let go of sinful me.
postscript
Tired of being selfish. I don't mean to be, but it just happens, and I look back later and feel like I've used people. I'm done with that if I can help it. No, not if I can help it. With God's help.