With a quiet desperation
In a room so full of fear
I draw the covers round me
And feel you sitting near;
You do nothing. I am hungry
And my mind is full of noise.
I've lost my inhibitions
And I've lost my gentle poise.
The intoxicating sense
And the scent of sin and death
Is wooing me with flattery;
Much sharper grows my breath;
His caresses warm my skin
And I shiver though I'm heated.
My confusion raises up again;
I'm thoroughly defeated.
Fear whispers all his palaver
And my thoughts are thus distracted.
I am a fool for both of you.
He spoke first: I reacted.
Where are you now? I need you.
You are the one who's won me.
I sit between two lovers,
And it's Fear who has undone me.
Please-- my flesh is weaker
And my attraction undefined.
I want you now to woo me
Lest I become resigned.
Yes-- Fear's stronger than I am alone.
I know his touch is winning.
But I recognize your sovereignty
And cease all of my sinning.
And so: you, sitting next to me,
Rise up from where you waited
And meet my eyes with quietness
And with wrath now unabated
Throw off my chains and fight for me;
You throw Fear to the floor.
Your wrath unleashed is frightening,
But Fear shall woo no more.
Fear vanquished, tis your arms
Which wrap themselves around me.
I'm broken but now healed of pain
Like the day when you first found me.
My foolish heart now understands
You were no passive lover.
I need to simply let it go
And take your proffered cover.
My sweet one, whom I push away
To give in to Fear's false charms,
Woo me in all these silences,
To never leave your arms.
postscript
Fear has this way of being preferable to God's own love. How is that? I ask myself. I don't know. But it's good to know my God fights fear for me, to claim me as His own.