1.
I lie in my bed tonight
Demand of the ceiling
My freedom and peace of mind,
Release from these feelings.
And I ask if my searching
Counts for something at least,
Because I deserve
My feelings released.
And I've waited in patience,
And the time now is due.
And I'm demanding the answer
Of the ceiling, not you.
2.
Look up in the night,
I have asked you to wait,
And I'm here and I'm listening,
I swear I'm not late.
Will you believe
That I'm teaching you peace
In the midst of your trouble?
Will you trust me at least?
You ask me to tell you
Where you should go,
And what you should do,
But I need you to know
I will not reveal
The next step to you
Because how else would you learn
To trust me all through?
1.
I stare at the ceiling
With tears in my eyes,
Tears of anger,
As I listen to lies
My own heart is telling,
Such as "Here you are lost,
And there's no moving forward.
You're stuck. At what cost?
You followed him here,
You want to be there,
And he left you alone.
Does he really care?
Are your problems, your steps,
Worth so much to him
That he'd come to your rescue
After all you have sinned?
You long for such freedom,
To know what he's willed.
But he's not followed through;
Promises unfulfilled."
2.
Look up in the night,
I am in your midst,
Your tears I have dried,
Your nose have I kissed.
When you asked me to show
My path for your days,
I told you right then:
This path is a maze.
But no other labyrinth
Leads to so much peace.
And then when you thought
My guidance had ceased,
I was ever here
But you pushed me away,
And told me you'd handle it-
And that's where you strayed.
I want more than all else
For you to trust and to love,
For I am your strength
To rise above.
And in my self-torment
You take the hand
That was raised in a fist
With which to demand
You to speak to me.
Then you pour out your spirit,
And whisper so softly
I struggle to hear it:
"Wait. Wait for my timing,
The time's not yet come.
In the meantime I'm working
To get everything done
In preparation for you
And the future I swore
Was beyond your own dreams
And then so much more.
In the meantime I'm teaching you;
Though you think I am late,
Please know I am working
In the midst of your wait."
postscript
As Wednesday evening church started, I told God I'd write my April 9 poem on what he taught me during the service. What I didn't know was that it would be something I desperately needed to hear. And I'll admit I was arguing with him about it even as I wrote the poem. Worship Pastor Caleb Rowden spoke about waiting. "No one likes to wait. But we've all got something in our lives we're waiting on. And we feel like we're stuck and that God is supposed to show us how to get out of it as soon as we demand it. But God likes waiting. He likes us to wait, because God is always doing something amazing in the midst of our wait." College. Just the other night I was doing just what I said in the poem- demanding God to show me which college to go to and how to afford it. But God taught me last night, through Pastor Rowden, that there's no such thing as a college deadline to him, or even money. Sure, I'm waiting. But if I trust him, he will NOT let me go the wrong way. In the meantime, he's teaching me peace while I wait.