What in the world were they thinking?
That's a bona fide contact lens!
It's illegal to sell one of those
Without a prescription my friend.
But how could you know? You're the customer.
And the customer always is right.
As a genuine health-care provider
I'll help you out of your plight.
You say you asked for the trials
And they gave them, no questions asked?
They didn't teach you the care of them?
We'll make up for the service they lack.
Come to my parlor, my "hall of mirrors"
I'll give you a lesson for free.
I ask nothing at all in return, I swear-
But could you tell all your friends about me?
Have a seat, wash your hands, and get ready;
This lesson could take quite awhile.
But I promise to teach you with patience,
With genuine service, and a smile.
Take out the contact for the right eye
Put it in the palm of your hand, like so.
Wet it with drops from the bottle,
And into your eye it will go.
Hold your fingers like this, your eyelids like that,
Don't fret that you look a bit funny
In that awkward posture- It's normal
For your mascara to get a bit runny.
I swear that though it hurts just a little,
The next time you try it, it shan't.
You'll be an expert in no time,
Though you sit here saying "I can't."
Don't fret, don't blink, just aim,
And most of all, take care.
It's your eyes, this is medicine, and of course,
There are things of which you must be aware.
Don't swim with your contacts or sleep with them in,
(Unless you get the special kind)
Take them out if not comfy, it will take a bit
To get fully used to them you'll find.
But see, now you've got it! After all the hard work
It's in, you're free, there's no doubt
That you'll look and see so much better.
Now, let's practice taking them out!
I hope that I've helped, and done my part
To help you care for your eyes and your lens.
With the right doctor, and with the best care,
Contacts will be your new friends.
postscript
...Lens that is! This actually happened at work on the 4th. It's not exactly a skillful poem, but it counts!