My God:
Why have I forsaken you
Despite that you forsake me not?
Despite your hand is on me here?
I'm sorry I forgot.
My soul is thirsty, and it grows
Each hour I do not drink--
To drink of life and clarity
Has been replaced I think
By pride. I have forsaken you,
And in my foolish heart
I watch my favor and your love
Slowly grow apart.
I will not drink. I drink instead
Of bitterness, of tears.
I cry, "you do not answer"
To the faithful God who hears.
My contempt is reprehensible--
Your holiness wins out.
I justify my pride and sin
But deep within I doubt.
The depravity inside
Has blinded me from seeing
That you deserve I lose myself--
Love you with all my being.
These fears, this self-entitlement,
These attitudes, this pride,
I've chosen to admit were wrong;
I've chosen to abide.
My pain is deep; your hand remains
So heavy on my soul.
But 'twas deserved. I know your way.
My pain has made me whole.
So then, my wretched sin returns;
Each time I may decide
If I remain in darkest fear
Or choose the arms stretched wide.
You have not forsaken me;
I find this mercy odd.
For in my pride and selfishness
I've forsaken you
My God.
postscript
Good Friday.