Below me is where the shadows go.
The general direction, down
Is so high up it's at my eyes
And I can't breathe-- I drown.
No weight which settles on my chest
Will fail to throw a taunt my way.
I know I'm lied to. I don't care.
The cloud has come to stay.
Oh, you say, "look up! Look up!
There's a sunbeam somewhere near."
Are you sure? It's kind of dark.
I see naught but fear.
How shallow is self-pity, Lord.
I am consumed with hate.
I want release but I'm too low
To reach for freedom's gate.
You paid for it. I know the drill.
I know your freedom's calling..
But my energy is lacking,
And my desire is falling.
I think it's one of those days
When you will have to take
Pity on the pitiful
And give this soul a break.
Weary, fighting for a smile,
I don't want to seem to lack
The joy I usually have, dear One.
Can I have it back?
I'll look up. Just barely, glance
Toward the sunbeam of your smile.
You've got a lot of work to do.
I've been down here awhile.
But I'm game. Shine the sun.
This heart's too heavy for me to lift.
I lose the chains and feel my soul
By your sunshine, kist.
postscript
Some days I want to be free, but I'm too tired to try. That's where He comes in and takes over.